This will never not be the best
Doof’s low self-esteem in “What’d I Miss?” kind of breaks my heart.
“But the only thing I’m good at is making peach cobbler!”
Heinz, sweetheart, that is not the only thing you’re good at! You just invented, in less than twenty-four hours, a ray gun which can alter people’s desires from all the way across town! Believe in yourself!
I bought Agent P’s Guide to Fighting Evil today (I’m entitled), and it is the biggest OTP-fest, I swear. (The whole thing is also REALLY HILARIOUS, so you should definitely buy it if you find it.)
When you work with someone for a long time you have a tendency to become friends … even if that person is your enemy. Befriending your nemesis is a slippery slope and caring too much can be your downfall. But with a few helpful tips, you can navigate the frienemesis waters with confidence.
- Always - Be courteous and polite.
- Sometimes - Assist with small tasks.
- Never - Agree to help him move to a new place. C’mon. Hire a moving company, ya cheapskate!
- Always - Acknowledge birthdays and holidays.
- Sometimes - Send a card.
- Never - Send holidays cards together with pictures of the two of you in matching sweaters. Yuck! (!!!)
- Always - Offer to pay for your half of a meal. (THERE’S AN ACCOMPANYING PICTURE OF THE TWO OF THEM TRYING TO CALCULATE THE TAB, I SWEAR, I’M DYING)
- Sometimes - Offer to treat. (!!!)
- Never - Pay his rent. Just say no.
Also there’s this:In some rare, unlikely, bizarre circumstances, you may find yourself in a situation where you need to dance with your nemesis.And there are step-by-step instructions on how to do this, and the first few are
- Face your nemesis.
- Put your right hand on the waist of your nemesis.
- Raise your left hand and hold the right hand of your nemesis.
Ugh, I’m going to kill them.
by “rare, unlikely, bizarre circumstance” he means like twice a month right
I don’t actually dance myself, but I’m pretty sure those dancing instructions mean that the hero leads when dancing with his nemesis. As is canon.
Not only did they choose “Is my nose really that pointy?” as the quintessential Doofenshmirtz quote, but “nose” is one of the words in the word search. Poor Doof just can’t catch a break from the macaroni and cheese box designers.
ickaimp replied to your quote: Perry the Platypus? How did you get stuck in my…
Anyone else notice that it’s a ‘machine’, not an ‘Inator’?
Yes, exactly! Like, not only does Doofenshmirtz just have a double dutch machine lying around (?!), but it’s not even an Inator. To me, this suggests that he didn’t build it. Maybe he bought it from an infomercial? But who would manufacture such a thing?
… Also, for someone who is not very coordinated with his feet, Doof is pretty good at double dutch.
I’m in a baby Doof mood, so here’s a baby Doof fic I wrote a while ago that I don’t think I’ve posted here before.
Title: Happy Childhood Memories
Summary: A forest-related tale of two young Doofenshmirtzes, and some emotional scarring.
Heinz was weird. He was the only person Roger had ever met who could recite every element on the periodic table, whatever that was, and the only person he’d ever met to get their head stuck in a doorway. He was probably the only person in the world who’d done both on the same day. Maybe he was an alien from Venus, because he couldn’t possibly be related to Roger.
This is so cute.
